It’s back baby. After what felt like the longest offseason of my short life, the 2014-15 NBA season tips off Tuesday night. There was something about last season that left a great taste in my mouth, leaving me to suffer a long summer with unsatisfied basketball cravings. Maybe it was because the San Antonio Spurs experienced the pinnacle of sports movie finishes, finally scaling the mountain that was the Miami Heat to avenge arguably the most devastating loss in NBA history the year before. Or maybe it was because we all got to witness the coming of age story of pseudo-villian LeBron James. Either way, there’s a lot to look forward too next season.
I’ve projected the records for all 30 teams and given a quick breakdown of what to expect. Lets start with the Western Conference:
1. Los Angeles Clippers, 58-24
Blake Griffin has made significant leaps from each season to season throughout his NBA career. I'm not sure he can be much better than he was last year, but if he has one more leap in him than these guys are the best team in the NBA. The addition of Spencer Hawes is going to make them unstoppable on offense.
2. San Antonio Spurs, 56-26
Father Time is undefeated, and there’s only so much rest Pop can give Duncan, Ginobli, and Parker before it starts to effect their win-loss record. As a result, I fully expect Pop to fully unleash Kawhi on the rest of the league. These guys are still the favorites to make the finals, but the required rest for the big 3 means they might suffer slightly during the regular season.
3. Golden State Warriors, 55-27
I still can’t believe they didn’t pull the trigger on the Klay-for-Love trade. If Adam Silver really had some balls, he would fine the franchise for depriving us of Steph/Love pick and pops for the next several years. Regardless, Steph is a serious MVP sleeper now that Durant is hurt. The (unoriginal) Baby Faced Assassin is the best offensive player in the league, and he’s only going to get better with Steve Kerr as his coach.
4. Oklahoma City Thunder, 53-29
While the Durant injury obviously a huge bummer for the game of basketball, it’s going to be amazing to see Westbrook go 12 for 31 every night and the camera cuts to shots of KD with his head buried in his hands on the bench.
5. Dallas Mavericks, 52-30
I feel like I’m definitely going to regret having them this low. The addition of the Chandlers makes a team that took the Spurs to the brink of elimination a whole lot better. Rick Carlisle could easily work his wizard magic and get this team to 58 wins.
6. Memphis Grizzlies, 50-32
Despite Marc Gasol, Tony Allen, and Courtney Lee all missing over 20 games, they still had 50 wins last year. They also won 56 the year before that with almost the exact same roster. The offseason addition of Vince Carter brings them some much needed wing scoring and depth. And you’re thinking, “He says that yet he still only predicts them to win 50 games? Fucking hypocrite”. Well I don’t know if you’ve ever tried this whole projections thing, but if you say every team will win as many games as they should on paper, you end up with the whole league having like a .600 winning percentage. So you’ve got to shed some wins somewhere, so I chose to penalize the Grizz for playing the most unexciting style of basketball in the league.
7. Phoenix Suns, 47-35
Call me crazy, but I think the 3-headed point guard monster is going to be damn near unstoppable. Has anyone filed for the trademark to call Dragic-Bledsoe-Thomas “Cerberus” yet? Oh nobody has because that’s the stupidest thing ever? Never mind then.
8. Houston Rockets, 46-36
The Rockets gave up all of their depth only to get blue-balled by Chris Bosh in free agency. The west is far, far too deep to think that you can get away with rolling Harden, Howard, Non-Contract Year Trevor Ariza and a bunch of bench players and think you can contend. That puts a lot of pressure on Harden and Howard to compete every night. *Thinking* Yea, these guys are definitely missing the playoffs.
9. Portland Trailblazers, 46-36
The Blazers rode a sizzling 24-5 start to the playoffs last year. They were 30-23 from that point on, which is pretty much right on point with 46-36 if you extrapolate to a full 82 games. Since their biggest offseason acquisition was Chris Kaman, its probably safe to say they aren’t a better basketball team than they were last year.
10. New Orleans Pelicans, 43-39
You know how guys used to have a stash of porno mags hidden in the nightstand? I’ve got a spreadsheet of Anthony Davis stats hidden in my computer that serves the exact same purpose. And you thought I had a hard-on for Cerberus. It took every ounce of willpower I had to talk myself out of picking these guys to be the 7 seed and Davis for MVP. Its definitely within the realm of possibility to win 52 games if they stay healthy, but everything would have go right for that to happen.
11. Denver Nuggets, 37-45
The Nuggets are stuck the NBA no-mans-land; not quite good enough to make the playoffs, but too good to land a top draft pick. If the Sixers tankapalooza has taught us anything, its that this is the absolute worst place for an NBA franchise to be. Time to blow it up, Nuggets. Its also only a matter of time before we see a Nugget play a game visibly high (my moneys on Wilson Chandler)
12. Minnesota Timberwolves, 30-52
Ricky Rubio throwing lobs to Andrew Wiggins and Zach Lavine. Wolves fans could do a lot worse as a consolation prize for losing Kevin Love.
13. Utah Jazz, 30-52
Don’t say I didn’t warn you: Utah has some serious 2014 Suns-lite potential. Word on the street is they are going to shoot a ton of 3s this year, as if the Burke/Burks/Hayward/Exum wasn’t already the most exciting young backcourt in the league.
14. Sacramento Kings, 27-55
Look, anytime you can get rid of a point guard who averaged 20+ a game and makes just $7 million a year and replace him with Darren Collison, you have to do it. Especially when your logic for letting Isaiah Thomas leave is you already have enough “shoot first, play defense later” players, yet you go and draft Nik Stauskas, who is legitimately the textbook definition of that type of player. The disconnect between the Kings’ front office and reality is staggering. They legitimately think they should be a playoff team, but I can’t see them winning more than 30 games this year.
15. Los Angeles Lakers, 24-58
On the bright side, Lakers fans, you guys should keep the top-5 protected pick you owe the Suns from the Steve Nash trade (moment of silence).
Eastern Conference:
1. Cleveland Cavaliers, 60-22
I don’t expect them to have quite the learning curve the Miami Heat had their first year post-Decision. The only thing stopping from these guys having the best offense in NBA history is if Dion Waiters bottles Kyrie in a downtown Miami nightclub after Kyrie fails to pass him the ball in crunchtime of that evenings game, causing Kyrie to miss the rest of the season after going blind in his left eye.
2. Chicago Bulls, 57-25
The Bulls won 48 games last year and added Pau Gasol, Doug McDermott, and Derrick Rose to the lineup, so its probably safe to say they are a better team. Joakim Noah and Pau Gasol’s high/low action is going to be like basketball porn. If Rose stays healthy (knock on wood), these guys have the studs and supporting cast to challenge Cleveland for the top seed
3. Toronto Raptors, 50-32
The Raptors bring back the same core that took Brooklyn to 7 games in the first round last year. Lou Williams and James Johnson were a couple of the best low key acquisitions of the offseason. Williams will bring some much needed backcourt scoring to the second unit, while Johnson can bang with the larger wings that previously feasted on Ross/DeRozan. The wildcard here is Lowry- he has to prove that it wasn’t a coincidence that his best season came during a contract year.
4. Atlanta Hawks, 45-37
The Hawks really deserve more hype- this is a really good team with a healthy Al Horford with a really good coach. I was hesitant to give them 46 wins since they are one key injury away from trading Millsap and Horford and joining the tankathon.
5. Charlotte Hornets, 44-38
I wanted to put the Hornets 3 spots higher if not only for their sexual new court design. The over/under for how many games before MJ and Lance Stephenson have a physical confrontation courtside is 19.5 games (I’ll take the under). Also, they just signed Kemba Walker to a 4 year, $48 million extension, the exact same contract Kyle Lowry got. I don’t know if I’ve said it before, but Masai Ujiri is a God.
6. Washington Wizards, 43-39
The Beal injury sets them back a bit, as he was poised to break out as the best shooting guard in the East. Its going to be so weird seeing Paul Pierce in a Wiz uniform. If I’m a veteran on the tail end of my career, I’m either signing with a warm weather team (Phoenix/Dallas/Houston/Miami), a title contender (OKC), or both (Clippers). This still makes no sense to me.
7. Detroit Pistons, 42-40
I’m way higher than the consensus on the Pistons- Vegas has their win total set at 36. There are 6 team win totals that I feel Vegas whiffed on, including:
Jazz: 26 wins (should go over)
Nuggets: 41.5 wins (under)
Knicks: 40.5 (under)
Lakers: 30.5 (under)
Celtics: 26.5 (over)
Here’s why I think the Pistons will crush the over: in 2014, they sucked when Andre Drummond, Greg Monroe, and Josh Smith all played at the same time. However, they were really good when only 2 of the 3 played together. New head coach Stan Van Gundy is a smart guy and should realize this. This is also why a parlay of Stan Van winning Coach of the Year (50/1) and the over on the win total is the best bet of the season. A $100 bet pays out in the range of $8500.
8. Miami Heat, 40-42
Not much to be said here. Josh McRoberts and Luol Deng aren’t LeBron.
9. Brooklyn Nets, 36-46
Shaun Livingston was quietly the team’s MVP last year, as they were borderline unstoppable when they played small ball with him, Deron Williams, Joe Johnson, Paul Pierce, and Mason Plumlee. Deron Williams and Brook Lopez’s glass feet have to stay healthy for them to make the playoffs, so I’d say their chances are slim at best.
12. Indiana Pacers, 36-46
The Pacers went from a game away from making the NBA finals to going into this year with Rodney Stuckey as their go-to scorer. There offense is going to ugly, which should make it fun to watch them play the Knicks. It’s kind of like an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object, except the exact opposite. On paper, they're a 28 win team, but grind-it-out, well-coached, defensive minded teams (think the Bulls sans Rose) tend to win more games than they should.
11. New York Knicks, 34-48
Who’s ready to watch a lineup with Jose Calderon, Amare Stoudemire, Carmelo Anthony, and Andrea Bargnani try to stop the other team from putting the ball in the hoop? Yikes.
12. Boston Celtics, 32-50
They could be a 40 win team or a 25 win team depending if/when Rajon Rondo and Jeff Green get traded, so I’ve split the difference. Sullinger/Olynyk will be one of the most improvement frontcourts, while Smart/Bradley will be one of the toughest backcourts to score against in the league. Brad Stevens is one of the brightest minds in the game, and it wouldn’t surprise me at all if he got this team to playoffs.
13. Orlando Magic, 23-59
They’re going to suck, but boy will they be fun to watch. Oladipo will have a monster year, take that 19-5-4-2 to the bank right now. I don’t know why, but I feel like Aaron Gordon is either going to be Blake Griffin 2.0 or Joe Alexander with no in between.
14. Milwaukee Bucks, 21-61
The best thing that can happen is they start the year 0-12 and Jason Kidd says “Fuck it” and lets Giannis Antetekoumpo and Jabari Parker run wild. For a team that should be focused on developing their young studs, its interesting that they still have OJ Mayo kicking around. It’s a little known fact that the “O” in OJ stands for “Overweight”, so we can only hope his influence doesn’t reach Jabari Parker, who has battled weight issues since his Duke days.
15. Philadelphia 76ers, 13-69
I absolutely would not be surprised if they went 5-77. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you the opening day roster in NBA history.
Playoffs:
West Semis: Clippers over Warriors in 7
East Semis: Cavs over Raptors in 5
Finals: Clippers over Cavs in 7
Awards:
MVP:
1. LeBron James
2. Steph Curry
3. Anthony Davis
4. Blake Griffin
5. Russell Westbrook
Rookie of the Year:
1. Jabari Parker
2. Nerlens Noel
3. Marcus Smart
Most Improved:
1. Michael Kidd-Gilchrist
2. Kentavious Caldwell-Pope
3. Kelly Olynyk
Comeback Player:
1. Ryan Anderson
2. Kobe Bryant
3. Derrick Rose
Coach of the Year:
1. Doc Rivers
2. Greg Popovich
3. Stan Van Gundy
I’ve projected the records for all 30 teams and given a quick breakdown of what to expect. Lets start with the Western Conference:
1. Los Angeles Clippers, 58-24
Blake Griffin has made significant leaps from each season to season throughout his NBA career. I'm not sure he can be much better than he was last year, but if he has one more leap in him than these guys are the best team in the NBA. The addition of Spencer Hawes is going to make them unstoppable on offense.
2. San Antonio Spurs, 56-26
Father Time is undefeated, and there’s only so much rest Pop can give Duncan, Ginobli, and Parker before it starts to effect their win-loss record. As a result, I fully expect Pop to fully unleash Kawhi on the rest of the league. These guys are still the favorites to make the finals, but the required rest for the big 3 means they might suffer slightly during the regular season.
3. Golden State Warriors, 55-27
I still can’t believe they didn’t pull the trigger on the Klay-for-Love trade. If Adam Silver really had some balls, he would fine the franchise for depriving us of Steph/Love pick and pops for the next several years. Regardless, Steph is a serious MVP sleeper now that Durant is hurt. The (unoriginal) Baby Faced Assassin is the best offensive player in the league, and he’s only going to get better with Steve Kerr as his coach.
4. Oklahoma City Thunder, 53-29
While the Durant injury obviously a huge bummer for the game of basketball, it’s going to be amazing to see Westbrook go 12 for 31 every night and the camera cuts to shots of KD with his head buried in his hands on the bench.
5. Dallas Mavericks, 52-30
I feel like I’m definitely going to regret having them this low. The addition of the Chandlers makes a team that took the Spurs to the brink of elimination a whole lot better. Rick Carlisle could easily work his wizard magic and get this team to 58 wins.
6. Memphis Grizzlies, 50-32
Despite Marc Gasol, Tony Allen, and Courtney Lee all missing over 20 games, they still had 50 wins last year. They also won 56 the year before that with almost the exact same roster. The offseason addition of Vince Carter brings them some much needed wing scoring and depth. And you’re thinking, “He says that yet he still only predicts them to win 50 games? Fucking hypocrite”. Well I don’t know if you’ve ever tried this whole projections thing, but if you say every team will win as many games as they should on paper, you end up with the whole league having like a .600 winning percentage. So you’ve got to shed some wins somewhere, so I chose to penalize the Grizz for playing the most unexciting style of basketball in the league.
7. Phoenix Suns, 47-35
Call me crazy, but I think the 3-headed point guard monster is going to be damn near unstoppable. Has anyone filed for the trademark to call Dragic-Bledsoe-Thomas “Cerberus” yet? Oh nobody has because that’s the stupidest thing ever? Never mind then.
8. Houston Rockets, 46-36
The Rockets gave up all of their depth only to get blue-balled by Chris Bosh in free agency. The west is far, far too deep to think that you can get away with rolling Harden, Howard, Non-Contract Year Trevor Ariza and a bunch of bench players and think you can contend. That puts a lot of pressure on Harden and Howard to compete every night. *Thinking* Yea, these guys are definitely missing the playoffs.
9. Portland Trailblazers, 46-36
The Blazers rode a sizzling 24-5 start to the playoffs last year. They were 30-23 from that point on, which is pretty much right on point with 46-36 if you extrapolate to a full 82 games. Since their biggest offseason acquisition was Chris Kaman, its probably safe to say they aren’t a better basketball team than they were last year.
10. New Orleans Pelicans, 43-39
You know how guys used to have a stash of porno mags hidden in the nightstand? I’ve got a spreadsheet of Anthony Davis stats hidden in my computer that serves the exact same purpose. And you thought I had a hard-on for Cerberus. It took every ounce of willpower I had to talk myself out of picking these guys to be the 7 seed and Davis for MVP. Its definitely within the realm of possibility to win 52 games if they stay healthy, but everything would have go right for that to happen.
11. Denver Nuggets, 37-45
The Nuggets are stuck the NBA no-mans-land; not quite good enough to make the playoffs, but too good to land a top draft pick. If the Sixers tankapalooza has taught us anything, its that this is the absolute worst place for an NBA franchise to be. Time to blow it up, Nuggets. Its also only a matter of time before we see a Nugget play a game visibly high (my moneys on Wilson Chandler)
12. Minnesota Timberwolves, 30-52
Ricky Rubio throwing lobs to Andrew Wiggins and Zach Lavine. Wolves fans could do a lot worse as a consolation prize for losing Kevin Love.
13. Utah Jazz, 30-52
Don’t say I didn’t warn you: Utah has some serious 2014 Suns-lite potential. Word on the street is they are going to shoot a ton of 3s this year, as if the Burke/Burks/Hayward/Exum wasn’t already the most exciting young backcourt in the league.
14. Sacramento Kings, 27-55
Look, anytime you can get rid of a point guard who averaged 20+ a game and makes just $7 million a year and replace him with Darren Collison, you have to do it. Especially when your logic for letting Isaiah Thomas leave is you already have enough “shoot first, play defense later” players, yet you go and draft Nik Stauskas, who is legitimately the textbook definition of that type of player. The disconnect between the Kings’ front office and reality is staggering. They legitimately think they should be a playoff team, but I can’t see them winning more than 30 games this year.
15. Los Angeles Lakers, 24-58
On the bright side, Lakers fans, you guys should keep the top-5 protected pick you owe the Suns from the Steve Nash trade (moment of silence).
Eastern Conference:
1. Cleveland Cavaliers, 60-22
I don’t expect them to have quite the learning curve the Miami Heat had their first year post-Decision. The only thing stopping from these guys having the best offense in NBA history is if Dion Waiters bottles Kyrie in a downtown Miami nightclub after Kyrie fails to pass him the ball in crunchtime of that evenings game, causing Kyrie to miss the rest of the season after going blind in his left eye.
2. Chicago Bulls, 57-25
The Bulls won 48 games last year and added Pau Gasol, Doug McDermott, and Derrick Rose to the lineup, so its probably safe to say they are a better team. Joakim Noah and Pau Gasol’s high/low action is going to be like basketball porn. If Rose stays healthy (knock on wood), these guys have the studs and supporting cast to challenge Cleveland for the top seed
3. Toronto Raptors, 50-32
The Raptors bring back the same core that took Brooklyn to 7 games in the first round last year. Lou Williams and James Johnson were a couple of the best low key acquisitions of the offseason. Williams will bring some much needed backcourt scoring to the second unit, while Johnson can bang with the larger wings that previously feasted on Ross/DeRozan. The wildcard here is Lowry- he has to prove that it wasn’t a coincidence that his best season came during a contract year.
4. Atlanta Hawks, 45-37
The Hawks really deserve more hype- this is a really good team with a healthy Al Horford with a really good coach. I was hesitant to give them 46 wins since they are one key injury away from trading Millsap and Horford and joining the tankathon.
5. Charlotte Hornets, 44-38
I wanted to put the Hornets 3 spots higher if not only for their sexual new court design. The over/under for how many games before MJ and Lance Stephenson have a physical confrontation courtside is 19.5 games (I’ll take the under). Also, they just signed Kemba Walker to a 4 year, $48 million extension, the exact same contract Kyle Lowry got. I don’t know if I’ve said it before, but Masai Ujiri is a God.
6. Washington Wizards, 43-39
The Beal injury sets them back a bit, as he was poised to break out as the best shooting guard in the East. Its going to be so weird seeing Paul Pierce in a Wiz uniform. If I’m a veteran on the tail end of my career, I’m either signing with a warm weather team (Phoenix/Dallas/Houston/Miami), a title contender (OKC), or both (Clippers). This still makes no sense to me.
7. Detroit Pistons, 42-40
I’m way higher than the consensus on the Pistons- Vegas has their win total set at 36. There are 6 team win totals that I feel Vegas whiffed on, including:
Jazz: 26 wins (should go over)
Nuggets: 41.5 wins (under)
Knicks: 40.5 (under)
Lakers: 30.5 (under)
Celtics: 26.5 (over)
Here’s why I think the Pistons will crush the over: in 2014, they sucked when Andre Drummond, Greg Monroe, and Josh Smith all played at the same time. However, they were really good when only 2 of the 3 played together. New head coach Stan Van Gundy is a smart guy and should realize this. This is also why a parlay of Stan Van winning Coach of the Year (50/1) and the over on the win total is the best bet of the season. A $100 bet pays out in the range of $8500.
8. Miami Heat, 40-42
Not much to be said here. Josh McRoberts and Luol Deng aren’t LeBron.
9. Brooklyn Nets, 36-46
Shaun Livingston was quietly the team’s MVP last year, as they were borderline unstoppable when they played small ball with him, Deron Williams, Joe Johnson, Paul Pierce, and Mason Plumlee. Deron Williams and Brook Lopez’s glass feet have to stay healthy for them to make the playoffs, so I’d say their chances are slim at best.
12. Indiana Pacers, 36-46
The Pacers went from a game away from making the NBA finals to going into this year with Rodney Stuckey as their go-to scorer. There offense is going to ugly, which should make it fun to watch them play the Knicks. It’s kind of like an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object, except the exact opposite. On paper, they're a 28 win team, but grind-it-out, well-coached, defensive minded teams (think the Bulls sans Rose) tend to win more games than they should.
11. New York Knicks, 34-48
Who’s ready to watch a lineup with Jose Calderon, Amare Stoudemire, Carmelo Anthony, and Andrea Bargnani try to stop the other team from putting the ball in the hoop? Yikes.
12. Boston Celtics, 32-50
They could be a 40 win team or a 25 win team depending if/when Rajon Rondo and Jeff Green get traded, so I’ve split the difference. Sullinger/Olynyk will be one of the most improvement frontcourts, while Smart/Bradley will be one of the toughest backcourts to score against in the league. Brad Stevens is one of the brightest minds in the game, and it wouldn’t surprise me at all if he got this team to playoffs.
13. Orlando Magic, 23-59
They’re going to suck, but boy will they be fun to watch. Oladipo will have a monster year, take that 19-5-4-2 to the bank right now. I don’t know why, but I feel like Aaron Gordon is either going to be Blake Griffin 2.0 or Joe Alexander with no in between.
14. Milwaukee Bucks, 21-61
The best thing that can happen is they start the year 0-12 and Jason Kidd says “Fuck it” and lets Giannis Antetekoumpo and Jabari Parker run wild. For a team that should be focused on developing their young studs, its interesting that they still have OJ Mayo kicking around. It’s a little known fact that the “O” in OJ stands for “Overweight”, so we can only hope his influence doesn’t reach Jabari Parker, who has battled weight issues since his Duke days.
15. Philadelphia 76ers, 13-69
I absolutely would not be surprised if they went 5-77. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you the opening day roster in NBA history.
Playoffs:
West Semis: Clippers over Warriors in 7
East Semis: Cavs over Raptors in 5
Finals: Clippers over Cavs in 7
Awards:
MVP:
1. LeBron James
2. Steph Curry
3. Anthony Davis
4. Blake Griffin
5. Russell Westbrook
Rookie of the Year:
1. Jabari Parker
2. Nerlens Noel
3. Marcus Smart
Most Improved:
1. Michael Kidd-Gilchrist
2. Kentavious Caldwell-Pope
3. Kelly Olynyk
Comeback Player:
1. Ryan Anderson
2. Kobe Bryant
3. Derrick Rose
Coach of the Year:
1. Doc Rivers
2. Greg Popovich
3. Stan Van Gundy